I walk into the restaurant and patiently wait for my turn to talk to the hostess to see where my group is. I can’t help but notice that all the girls working here are young, well endowed, and pretty. I’m hit by the realization that they are likely in their early 20′s and were not even born when I last saw those that I am here to see tonight. Am I that old already? Where has the time gone? I walk upstairs to the bar, I’m hit by a strange feeling which is not quite Déjà vu. It’s not a feeling that I’ve done this before, but not unlike the feeling that Superman must have felt upon meeting his bizzarro self. It’s a feeling that I should know the people in front of me. I squint my eyes as if that would dislodge some of the wrinkles on the faces or somehow jog my memories.  I’m forced to look at people’s name tags. Suddenly, the face snaps into recognition. Old, unused neurons fire as my brain reconnects long unused memories. The girl (now woman) in front of me, I’ve known since I was 5 years old. I haven’t seen her in 20 years.  She greets me as if I’m a long lost friend. I suddenly realize that I AM a long lost friend.  . . .  Aragon High School… Class of 1990…

My old insecurities wash away (partially helped along by my liberal use of Jack and Coke). I realize, I’m perfectly dressed for this occasion. Gone are the old high school clicks. No more “nerds, jocks, hippies,  stoners” catagories. No one care what I’m wearing. (Although it would have been great if I still had a Member’s only jacket).

We are all older now. Few more pounds and a bit less hair. Matured for better or worse. I talk to old friends whom I haven’t seen in 10-20 years and it’s as if not a day has passed. It’s great looking through old yearbook pictures laughing at our 80′s hair styles and dress. Truly amazing to see that deep down, most of us are the same as we were in high school. I’m not sure when personalities are locked in, but I swear that those that I knew since I was 5 are just bigger versions of their kindergarten self.

I almost didn’t go tonight. It would have been to easy not to go and let my daily life create an excuse to stay home. I’m glad I went. I hope I don’t wait another 20 years before see them all again. I’ve set myself a task to do a better job keeping in touch with friends. Perhaps someday my kids will graduate high school with their kids.

Like most men, I have a few bad habits. Some men like to gamble, others like to drink, others have a penchant for buggery. Myself, I like to watch TV. Sure you may not think of this as a vice, but my wife sure does. Every day after work I plant myself in front of the TV after Emily is asleep.  I’ve come to find the peanut shaped remote an indispensable part of my life. The “bloop… bloop… bloop” of the Tivo remote allows me to watch anything I like, whenever I like. This sucker is even smart enough to record shows it thinks I might like.

The other night Tivo decided to record “Groundhog Day” for me.  I’ve seen this movie dozens of times and I never tire of it so I decided to watch it. The quality was not very good since it’s not HD……. but I began watching it anyway. It was constantly inturpted by commercials, but Tivo let me fast forward those easily……. so I watch it anyway.  I noticed that they actually cut some lines out of the movie and this made me mad and I could not watch it anymore. This is a not a rate R movie with violence or boobies, they just cut lines to speed up the movie to “fit the allocated time”. At this point, I stopped watching, took the DVD off the shelf and watched the movie on DVD.

This is not the first time that I would start a movie on Tivo only to pull the movie from the DVD shelf. This is become such a regular occurrence that Eileen tells me that Tivo makes my decisions for me. When she mentioned this to me on this particular night I had a sudden bout of Deja vu. You see, she’s told me this before, while I was sitting in the same spot on the couch many, many nights. It’s almost as if every night for me is the same. It became clear to me that my life is like Groundhog Day in that all weekday/nights are the same .

I started thinking that while most days are the same, which day would I like to re-do over and over. Sure it’s easy to pick some random day from college of a random party and  a meaningless hookup. But I’m sure that would get tedious after several dozen iterations. Given a day to relive over and over for eternity, which day would I.. or any of us choose to live over and over?

It occurs to me that the day I would like to live over and over again is my wedding day. Sure this sounds sappy, but I’m not picking this day merely for the sentimental value. Yes I married the woman of my dreams and my best friend. It’s more than that. Believe it or not, I was not stressed this day, but it was like a party which lasted all day and all night.  We chose a venue where we could have the wedding/reception/afterparty all in one spot. One regret I have from the night is that it seemed to go by too fast and I didn’t get a chance to catch up with everyone. We invited 300 people and if I were to relive the day as my personal groundhog day I’d get a chance to catch up with everyone. Also, as man and woman of the hour, Eileen and I would get to be in the spotlight all the time for our groundhog day. Not a bad day to relive really.

Of course the wedding was topped off with a great party. All of the older relatives had gone home, kids long gone, and just the “young” remained. Eileen and I hadn’t planned on drinking that much, but yes, we got trashed. I can still see Adam with his tie on his head on the dance floor, Nick calling for shots, Drew passing out and me stealing all his valuables, and a few things I dare not repeat for fear or getting others in trouble……. Yes it was a good night.

The following morning Andy Wong (the normally quite guy who was our officiant) came to us and reminded us that we needed to sign the marriage certificate. Eileen signed… I signed…. Andy signed…. But we still needed two witnesses. So , there we are, in the middle of the hotel lobby, looking for a witness to the wedding. As I look around,  two familiar voices echo through the courtyard and I turn my head. Looks like I have my signatures.

As I continue my search for the pink slip to my boat, Eileen files away our marriage certificate and I see the names on it. Cliff Lin, Eileen Chen, Andy Wong, Anson Wong, & Bryan Van…… Yes that would be a good day to relive as my personal Groundhog Day.

My right knee has a deep ache caused by an old boarding injury. I sit up and stretch it out before seeing to Emily. As I give her a pacifier I’ve got an itch on my back. I can’t quite reach it with my right arm because I’ve lost some range of motion from a night of drunken arm wrestling with my good drinking buddy Anson.

These injuries were years ago and yet, they are not going away. Eileen has been telling me for a while that I should “go see a doctor”. I haven’t. I know there isn’t anything they can do for me. I’m just getting old.

Getting old…. seems funny to me as I feel so young still, but the body is complaining more often now. When I to trackdays on my Honda CBR600RR at Laguna, my knees hurt so bad that when my 20 minute session is over, I can’t stop right away. I have to stretch out first while moving and when I get some blood back to my legs, then I can stop….

Getting old is odd for me because I still FEEL young. I still party it up and can drink until the sun rises (although fewer of my friends stay up with me nowadays). Maybe it’s not every weekend anymore, but I will this weekend..

As I drive home from work today, the reality hits me. Not because my body suddenly collapses, but because I pass this girl driving a convertable BMW with a CAL license plate. I realize that the freshman girls going to CAL this year are 1/2 my age! holy crap, where did the time go? Feel like just a couple a years ago I was at the fraternity house drinking and trying to pick up on these freshman girls….

They say that 40 is the new 30. While I’m not quite 40 yet, I’m really hoping that 40 is the new 20 because I sure don’t feel as old as 40 sounds!

I’ve always been the black sheep in my family. If someone was going to get into trouble it would be me and not my brothers. That fact has become deeply engrained in who I am and how I view myself.

I’m the “maverick” who’s ego is writing checks my body can’t cash. I’ve been busted, lost my qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral’s daughter!

That’s me. Top Gun ace Maverick. Suddenly feeling old, but I still feel like “I still got it”.

Supercliff:  “Tower this is Supercliff, requesting flyby”

Tower: “That’s a negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full….”

queue Top Gun Music

After just a few days of blogging, I have come to the realization that I want to write something meaninful each time I blog. Something touching, something inspirations, something thought provoking. Basically, something with emotional depth. During this process however, I just can’t help thinking that I’m just going to turn myself into Jack Handy.

Case in point, my wife asked me why did I include the line about how she complained that I am at times selfish with my time. I simply responded that I included it because it’s true. While this was only a topic we discussed over dinner and by no means an argument, it did make me wonder what is the blog-etiquette when it comes to sharing things that other may find embarrassing or “too private”.  I joked with Eileen that I would create a blog today where I would complain about how our discussions usually revolve around her complaining that I don’t talk enough and start deep conversations with her. LOL

I guess one solution is to use a pen name, but too late for that now

I’ve always been an easy going person. I’ve always wanted a family. Never liked to study. I graduated CAL by the skin of my teeth by what I consider natual talent and not due to any hard work. Hours spend at the library were more for picking up girls than for studying. Drinking and Partying became my forte. As much as I wanted to start a family, like many others I felt that I wasn’t ready. Not because I don’t know how to take care of a child (I grew up taking care of younger siblings), but because I’m too selfish with my time (a complaint I hear often from my wife Eileen). Every weekend has always been filled with what I want to do (motorcycling, snowboarding, fishing, etc).

Fast forward a few years to July 5th, 2009 which marked the 1st birthday of my first child, Emily. I’m not saying that my life hasn’t changed, but it hasn’t changes as much as I thought it would, nor has it been as difficult as I expected. I still hang out with my friends, just less often. I still ride at Laguna and Infineon, just less often. What’s been eye opening for me is that I don’t do my hobbies less because I have less time, but because I don’t WANT to do them as often. I prefer to stay home and play with my daughter. Knowing how selfish I can be with my time, this is perhaps the most surprising thing to me. Cliff is becoming more mature? Inconceivable! I still don’t think I’ve matured, I think it’s just that my new “hobby” is my daughter.  My wife may complain that I still watch too much TV, but that’s another blog….

I hear this cliche a lot where the biggest moment of your life is when you child is born. I don’t think that’s true. It was definitely a moment filled with tension/excitement as I was worried for both mother and child. But the truth for me is that Emily was a total stranger to me at first. You enter the hospital as a family of 2 and you leave as a family as 3. Who is this small person? I can understand the Mother/Child instant connection as Emily has been inside her for over 9 months. But it’s not the same for fathers. The reality of the situation takes a bit longer to sink in. I can really understand how people “forget” their baby in the car. While I was super protective of my daughter, I can see how you need some time to train yourself that there is someone who needs you completely. You have to create a new set of habits to follow and break some other ones. Not always easy when you’re mind is caught up in work….

I think the biggest moment for me is when Emily was old enough to look at me and I KNEW she could recognize me. Of course she’s too little to say anything, but I can see her little face light up when she sees me. Nowadays, my favorite part of the day is coming home from work. Emily is usually eating dinner when I come home. When she sees me from her high chair, she has the BIGGEST smile. She laughs and points at me. When kids are happy their whole face lights up. They wear the emotions on their little sleeves. It’s a great feeling to be welcomed home like this every day.

Smiling

I’m sure every father feels proud of what thier child learns. Every parent feel they have a little genious on their hands. It’s wonderful to relearn the world as Emily discovers things in her little world. I really think I have a little genious on my hands and this Supercliff Version 2.0 will be smarter than me. Hopefully, she grows up better looking than me also. She looks so much like me that I’m worried. Me in a dress is just not a good look.

enough Blogging for now, I gotta get home and see Emily.